Mortal Kombat Legends: Battle of the Realms (2021)

Mortal Kombat Legends: Battle of the Realms (2021)

 

5/10

Starring the voices of:

Patrick Seitz

Jordan Rodrigues

Joel McHale

Jennifer Carpenter

 

Directed by Ethan Spaulding

 

I guess it’s the final countdown. The animation is R-rated and almost as bloody as Scorpion’s Revenge, but the fights aren’t as fun. In this iteration of the Mortal Kombat story, we have Earthrealm and Outworld agreeing on one final battle to end all battles. Here’s what I don’t get about the whole Mortal Kombat setup: what’s the point of Mortal Kombat if Shao Kahn can just ignore the rules and invade Earth? Which he did—and was doing a good job at—before deciding to hold a final Mortal Kombat.

Mortal Kombat is a video game turned animation with numerous movies, but all of them stick to the same basic setting. Mortal Kombat was established by the elder gods as a way to merge worlds fairly. Shao Kahn lost in Scorpion’s Revenge (click to get more depth into the story), but he still invaded Earth. I was like, what’s the point of Mortal Kombat then? And why are the elder gods doing nothing to enforce the rules they set in place?

While this was going on, we have Shinnok working in the background. Now that his man, Quan Chi, has been killed, Shinnok is trying to merge some form of god together. The whole point of this endeavor is to undo all the realms the elder gods created.

The animation style is very similar to the previous movie, Scorpion’s Revenge, but the story isn’t as interesting. Unlike the nice fight settings and walkthrough battles in Scorpion’s Revenge, this movie mostly takes place in a pit-like arena. I hope the next Mortal Kombat movie doesn’t resort to this lazy approach.

We get to see some new characters from the games, but few of them really matter. The new Sub-Zero, the one we’re all used to from Mortal Kombat 2 onward, is here with his focus now set on getting revenge on Scorpion for killing his brother. So, we’ve got three stories running side by side, eventually merging at the center when it seems like all is well. Then, as you can guess, it isn’t.

I feel the whole idea of this new animation lost its footing the moment they decided to nullify the entire point of Mortal Kombat. I can forgive the games for doing that because they’re just fighting games. People like me don’t care much about the story or who killed whom in the main plot—we just want to grab the controller and fight.

They could’ve had Shao Kahn petition for a new tournament, tweak the rules a bit, and carry on from there. Instead, they made the first animation feel completely irrelevant.

Oh, and nice work on Liu Kang’s "level-up" moment (sarcasm). If Raiden knew the key to his power-up was “your parents loved you,” he should’ve just said that in the first animation instead of standing there and watching him almost die.

Mortal Kombat Legends: Scorpion's Revenge (2020)

Mortal Kombat Legends: Scorpion's Revenge (2020)

 

7/10

Starring the voices of:

Patrick Seitz

Steve Blum

Jordan Rodrigues

Darin De Paul

Joel McHale

Jennifer Carpenter

 

Directed by Ethan Spaulding

 

When the new animated Mortal Kombat Legends movie came out, I realized I couldn’t recall much about the first one. Watching it again was fun. The animation is R-rated and doesn’t shy away from being bloody. It sets the stage in a way that feels similar to the Mortal Kombat live-action movie released a year later.

In terms of story, the movie has a very straightforward plot. Animation-wise, I have to hand it to Warner Bros.; they’ve got that area locked down. When it comes to animating the characters, they hold licenses for—whether it’s DC or, in this case, Mortal Kombat—they seem to do just enough. They don’t go all out like Disney, but they still deliver a fantastic job that captures the fighting and movements well.

Don’t watch this movie expecting to finally understand everything about the Mortal Kombat lore. It’s a video game adaptation, and like many others, the story doesn’t always have a solid foundation. If you catch the gist from the initial setup, thanks to Quan Chi explaining the fights between the three realms—Netherrealm, Earthrealm, and Outworld—you already know most of what’s important. Earthrealm is the prime target, the "choice meat" on the table.

The animation starts with the introduction of Netherrealm champion Scorpion (Hanzo Hasashi). We see his clan and family brutally murdered by Sub-Zero, and Scorpion himself is killed. He ends up in the Netherrealm, where he overcomes his torturers, killing them in a bid to confront Shinnok. Instead, he meets Quan Chi, who promises him a chance for revenge on Sub-Zero if he fights for the Netherrealm in Mortal Kombat.

As the movie continues, we meet Shang Tsung, a nine-time tournament winner hoping to win a tenth time so his master Shao Kahn can claim Earthrealm. Outworld is hosting the tournament, and Shang Tsung serves as the master of ceremonies. Defending Earthrealm is Lord Raiden, who gathers his warriors—Liu Kang, Sonya Blade, and Johnny Cage—to protect Earthrealm from becoming the next meal on Outworld’s plate.

As expected, Sonya is portrayed as an uptight character who comes across as more annoying than entertaining. Johnny Cage provides comic relief as the clueless but funny fighter, while Liu Kang takes on the boy scout role. Also present is Jax, who unfortunately gets caught in the middle of the chaos and has his arms ripped off.

The fun lies in watching how everything unfolds—Earthrealm fighting for its survival, Scorpion pursuing revenge, and Raiden working hard to keep things balanced and on the straight and narrow.

This direct-to-video movie is both fun and amazing to watch.

Maid in Manhattan (2002)

Maid in Manhattan (2002)

 

6/10

Starring

Jennifer Lopez

Ralph Fiennes

Natasha Richardson

 

Directed by Wayne Wang

 

In short, this movie is not spectacular, just done in the simplest way, carefully sticking to the generic Cinderella plot. If you’ve seen any movie with a dressed-up Cinderella storyline, you’ve seen this one.

I remember back in the early 2000s when my sister practically begged me to watch this flick. I avoided it as much as I could because, first, I didn’t know who Jennifer Lopez (JLO) was back then, and second, as a young adult, all I wanted to watch were action films. This rom-com was a big hit among the ladies at the time, and I’ve seen it so many times since.

This isn’t one of JLO’s best acting performances, and the script has its holes here and there, but the soundtrack and story still feel fresh every time I rewatch it. The movie is easy on the eyes and simple to follow. I can point out a lot of things in this movie that fall short of being great, but my love for the late Natasha Richardson grew because of it. For me, she was one of the few cast members who made this movie worth seeing again and again. The chemistry between JLO and Ralph Fiennes wasn’t there, and the story sticks to the generic Cinderella plot without much spark. It’s just something simple for people like me who want an easy movie to sit through, something that reminds us of the past without requiring too much thought.

The plot is about a maid, Marisa (JLO), who works in a hotel. One day, while trying on clothes belonging to a guest (yes, she did a bad thing), she meets a popular figure, Chris (Fiennes), through her son. Marisa’s co-worker encourages her to go on a walk with Chris after her son asks for permission to go, not expecting anything serious to come of it. To their surprise, a romance begins to kindle between Marisa and Chris during that walk.

Chris becomes smitten and wants to see Marisa again, but he mistakes her for the guest of the suite. When he sends an invitation to the room, someone else shows up instead. Eventually, Chris finds Marisa again and wants to go out with her, but now she has to worry about her job and the web of lies she’s caught in.

The movie performed well at the box office, even though it wasn’t a critical hit. It was so popular that it inspired remakes in other countries, including a telenovela version based on the same tale.

For me, this is one of those movies that brings back fun nostalgia from my younger days. It’s not groundbreaking, but it’s an easy watch that still makes me smile.

For me, this is one of those movies that gives me a fun nostalgia of my time growing up.

He’s All That (2021)

He’s All That (2021)

 

2/10

Starring

Addison Rae

Tanner Buchanan

Madison Pettis

Rachael Leigh Cook

 

Directed by Mark Waters

 

If I could rate this movie lower, I would, but this is the lowest I can go while acknowledging that at least someone sat in a chair and screamed “action” when production started.

I was fourteen when She's All That (1999) was released, and I’ve seen it so many times I’ve lost count. The movie is a ’90s classic for people like us, a lasting homage to high school rom-coms at their peak. This movie, however, is a cringeworthy embarrassment to She's All That. This remake, with its gender-swapped twist, feels like a ninety-minute-long TikTok video that just drags on and on.

I don’t know who Addison Rae is, but thanks to this movie, I’ll forever avoid her films. She’s the reason people go to acting classes and why acting coaches get paid. Her performance is spectacularly bad—so bad that even a Razzie Award would be too kind for the massacre she committed here. This movie is best left ignored.

Following the main plot of the original, we have the lead girl in high school, Padgett (Addison Rae), who’s dating the leading guy in school. When he messes up their relationship, she accepts a challenge from her friends to turn the school’s least popular boy, Cameron (Tanner Buchanan), into prom king. I remember She's All That handled this transformation with some respect for the characters involved. In this remake, the makeover feels insulting. The whole “be yourself” social media message gets completely drowned out in this mess.

To maintain her status as the top girl and get revenge on her boyfriend, Padgett takes on the challenge.

The only thing I enjoyed was seeing Rachel Leigh Cook again. But seriously, what was she doing in this movie? She was miles ahead of Rae in acting ability, and seeing her play Rae’s mother only highlighted how out of her depth Rae was. They butchered everything that made the original special. The iconic “I was a bet” reveal scene? It almost made me puke.

I guess this is what passes for movies now: bad acting, a terrible script, and people just talking at each other. And if you remember the magical soundtrack of She's All That, prepare to be disappointed. They didn’t even keep the original Kiss Me by Sixpence None the Richer. Instead, they got some artist (Cyn, apparently—someone I’ve never heard of) to cover it. Her version was almost similar but still a step down from the magnificent ’90s track.

There’s no reason to watch this, but it’s floating on Netflix if you’re feeling masochistic.

The Protégé (2021)

The Protégé (2021)

 

3/10

Starring

Maggie Q

Samuel L. Jackson

Michael Keaton

 

Directed by Martin Campbell

 

When I finished watching this movie, I had one question: what was the purpose of Michael Keaton’s character?

Most of the time, he wasn’t even present, and when he was, he felt completely disconnected from what was happening. It’s like they zoned him out, then remembered, "Oh, he’s getting paid for this," and threw him a few things to do here and there.

The movie is confusing. It feels like the writer and director couldn’t decide where they wanted it to go. There’s a romance subplot that’s completely ridiculous, unnecessary thriller scenes, and a plot so convoluted you’re left wondering why they bothered linking all these elements together. You keep watching, hoping everything will tie together nicely by the end. Spoiler: it doesn’t. The movie just ends, and there’s barely any signoff.

The plot starts with Moody (Samuel L. Jackson) going into a home in Vietnam where a massacre has taken place. He searches the house and finds a girl (Anna, played by Maggie Q) hiding, pointing a gun at him. Moody takes her under his wing and turns her into a badass assassin, just like him.

We get glimpses of their lives and the covers they use to get by. Moody is ill, and Anna seems worried about him. Then one day, Anna goes to his place and finds out he’s been killed. The movie shifts into revenge mode as Anna sets off to track down whoever murdered her mentor. But somewhere along the way, the story starts to wrap itself around Anna’s past, dragging in people with ties to the Vietnam War and their shady agendas.

When the man being protected is killed at the end, you’re left wondering why the movie wasted so much time running in circles around such a boring character. And seriously, can we agree that the whole "villain monologue before they’re killed" trope is beyond tired at this point?

Maggie Q has always struck me as someone Hollywood should’ve elevated into superstardom by now. But life, I guess, isn’t fair. Instead, she gets stuck in this mess of a movie when there are far better roles she deserves. This film doesn’t do justice to her range and completely wastes her talent.

As for Jackson, it’s the same story: another movie where he runs around with a gun. Nothing new to see here.

Saying this movie "blows through with no life" might sound too harsh, but honestly, its existence feels unnecessary. And so does the need for you to watch it.

Vacation Friends (2021)

Vacation Friends (2021)

 

4/10

 

Starring

John Cena

Lil Rel Howery

Yvonne Orji

Meredith Hagner

 

Directed by Clay Tarver

 

I cannot in good conscience tell you to go watch this movie, because for a lot of reasons, it fails to deliver the comedy and entertainment needed to keep you engrossed. The movie is best described as a lackluster dream that the writer probably had while high on some cheap drugs. Acting-wise, I have to say only John Cena seems to be into the role—everyone else seems to have taken the same drug the writer took.

The movie didn’t just fail to make me laugh; I started regretting trusting every ounce of me that thought a movie starring Lil Rel Howery would be good. I haven’t seen anything this guy has done that I can say is worth watching—even his TV show was whack.

Anyways, he must appeal to some audience, because here’s another movie where he happens to be one of the leads.

Vacation Friends is borderline predictable. It starts with a couple going to Mexico for a vacation. Marcus (Howery) planned everything about this vacation to the teeth because he wanted to turn it into a wedding proposal for his girlfriend, Emily. Everything crashed when the front desk clerk let the cat out of the bag about his proposal. Marcus proposed anyway, but since all his plans were a mess, they couldn’t stay at the hotel they wanted.

That’s where Ron (Cena) and Kyla come into the picture. They’re the reason the couple doesn’t get their dream vacation, but they suggest hosting Marcus and Emily instead. Marcus felt something was off about this couple who were willing to split their presidential suite with them, but Emily thought otherwise.

The movie then plunges into one of the longest flash-forwards I’ve seen. We get clips of all the fun things they got into. When you’d expect a normal movie to condense this into a two-minute montage of crazy antics, this one took its time dragging through their chaotic vacation. By the end, when Marcus and Emily were already regretting making friends with Ron and Kyla, they run into them again at the airport.

They parted ways, but months later, when Marcus and Emily were finally getting married, guess who shows up?

It turns out Ron and Kyla went hunting for their new best friends and finally found them. From here on, you can guess how the movie goes, as this wild couple turns the wedding upside down.

I can think of many better ways to waste time than watching this lazy production on Hulu.

The Paper Tigers (2020)

The Paper Tigers (2020)

 7/10

Starring

Alain Uy

Ron Yuan

Mykel Shannon Jenkins

 

Directed by Bao Tran

 

This movie comes across at first as one of those films with a B-movie vibe, hoping to achieve something magnificent but never quite getting there. What it actually is, though, is an action drama (martial arts film) with so much spice and intent that it delivers the needed action and drama to keep you thoroughly invested in the characters and story.

The action in the movie isn’t constant or overly intense but is spread out over its runtime to show how three men try to reclaim their past glory and rekindle the focus they once had on being the best.

You can guess the general plot of action movies like this, which often revolve around revenge, as most martial arts movies do. What I enjoyed about this one was how much the subplot—of the three trying to get back in shape and be as good as they once were—took prominence for more than 70% of the film. The movie spares us the usual “breaking point” or “Rocky running up the stairs to get fit” scenes. None of that happens here. These men remain unfit (both martial arts-wise and, for two of them, health-wise) from start to finish.

The story begins by introducing the three, who trained as disciples under a kung-fu master. We see them mature and become the best they could be. Fast-forward to the present day (decades later), and all three have left that path. Their Sifu is killed, and this tragedy prompts Hing to seek out Danny.

Hing is dealing with a broken leg, which has left him impaired in his walking and significantly overweight. He sustained the injury after falling off a scaffold at his former workplace. Danny, on the other hand, is struggling to keep his life together and be the best dad he can be. The third member, Jim, seems to be the only one doing well—he has stayed fit and works as a kickboxing trainer.

The three learn from another martial artist at a different dojo that their master was likely murdered. This person gives them leads, one of which turns out to be a dead end. However, the other points them to a man who replaced all three of them. When the trio left, with Danny set to be the new leader of the clan, their master had secretly trained a replacement. This new disciple holds the truth about what really happened to their Sifu.

I can safely say the final fight is worth watching for its mix of comedy and choreography. Beyond that, the other fight scenes aren’t as spectacular as I’d hoped. The movie leans more on drama, and while the lead performances are good, they’re not top-tier.

Overall, the movie is a nice watch.