Red Sonja (2025)

 

Red Sonja (2025)

 

3/10

Starring           

Matilda Lutz

Wallis Day

Robert Sheehan

Michael Bisping

 

Directed by M.J. Bassett

 

I can say this was a wasted effort of the talented Matilda Lutz who played Sonja. The poor production, bad directing, low level CGI, weak plot, and bad pacing made the whole thing feel like I was watching an episode of a TV show. The dialogues looked like ChatGPT was called into play to assist, and the movie is predictable, chunky, and does not go down well.

I have never heard of this hero before, and before I saw this movie the only thing I knew about her is that she is a superhero who wears an armour bikini. I cannot faithfully say I know a lot about the comic character to tell you how much it stayed true to or deviated from the comic plot, so I am reviewing this movie as I saw it.

The CGI and scenery of this movie are a joke. From the start I actually laughed out loud when I saw it and was wondering if this was a video game intro I was watching, until I saw real humans. With the kind of money Marvel, Sony, and DC are pumping into these superhero movies, I just knew with this limited release one I was not going to be getting the best of the best when it came to effects, fight choreography, story, and possibly acting.

Everything I expected was true, although I have to give Matilda Lutz some props. Her acting performance in this movie was good enough to keep me glued. She grew into her character on screen and tried her best to sell it.

The plot is about Sonja, a nomadic huntress who witnesses the death of the creatures of the forest at the hands of the men of Emperor Dragan. In her revenge for the death of these creatures she finds herself captured and forced to fight in the gladiator arena. As you can predict, as she fights she rallies up the other fighters, and together they try to reclaim their freedom and overthrow Dragan.

Dragan, on the other hand, is expanding his empire. With a book he has, he is able to create scientific devices which he uses for his expansion mission to run the world. The book he has is just the first half, and he is on the hunt for the second.

In the end, I cannot in good faith say go watch this movie. The bad pacing and boring start may cause you to fall asleep before you even get to know what this movie is about.

KPop Demon Hunters (2025)

 

KPop Demon Hunters (2025)

 

6/10

Starring the voice of

Arden Cho

Ahn Hyo-seop

May Hong

Ji-young Yoo

Yunjin Kim

 

Directed by Maggie Kang and Chris Appelhans

 

KPop Demon Hunters is actually good, the comedy is nice and the action animation is good too. If you like KPop music, this animation has you covered. It did not hold back on the music quality and it has beautifully designed choreography. The voice acting is also not bad, I enjoyed it, but I have to warn you, the animation style was not it for me, that I did not like.

The reason I delayed in seeing this movie is because of the way it was being marketed, like a bunch of singers taking on demons, and I did not feel like it would be something for me. But the way this animation is making waves all over the internet, curiosity got the best of me and I just decided to go see it, and I am glad I did.

The movie is more than just singing and demon slaying, it actually has an ok plot, which has many holes, but the way it handled the revelation of things was nice. I like the way the animation used suspense to keep you engaged with the characters and their pasts. The problem is the character development is shabby, and I did not like the way the animation used some emotional romantic things to sell, save the girl, save the world thing.

The singing in the animation should not be a turnoff to anyone, it is actually very good. Also bear with the first quarter of an hour, where the movie never really gets going, just introducing everyone and exposing something secret about Rumi.

Who is Rumi?

Rumi is part of a KPop girl group called Huntr/x which also has Mira and Zoey. Rumi is struggling deep inside to try and fix who she is, while also busy trying to make the world safe. She lives her life in front of the camera with her group, happy and singing, but behind are scars, which makes her somewhat part of the problem of the world she is trying to fix.

Yeah, all the deepness is tied into this animation, as in this world there are demons who prey on humans to feed the souls of the humans to their ruler Gwi-Ma. For many generations there have been three women singers who use their songs to drive away the demons and have created a magical barrier called Honmoon, and generation after generation a new trio of singing voices has been maintaining the Honmoon. This new trio is the Huntr/x KPop group, and they are under the guidance of Celine, a previous hunter who raised Rumi.

Gwi-Ma, now starving, decided to play the same game as the demon hunters by creating his own boy group with the aim of driving fans away from the girl group, thereby breaking the Honmoon.

The animation does try to give enough character depth, but it seems to blur it a bit in order to create emotional moments, which I did not like.

This is a good animation, which I feel is crafted well enough to make sure you and your family have a good time seeing it. Netflix actually created something so good that they decided to give it a theatrical release, and it is also doing good there too. So catch it on Netflix or in the cinema, this is a good animation, and I recommend it.

 

Nobody 2 (2025)

Nobody 2 (2025)

 

7/10

 

Starring

Bob Odenkirk

Connie Nielsen

John Ortiz

Colin Hanks

RZA

 

Directed by Timo Tjahjanto

 

The truth is I wanted this. I loved the first Nobody so much, I wanted them to make a second part and now they did. Nobody 2 is an action/comedy that I think took too long to be released, four years after the first film. The movie to me was fun, I enjoyed it. When the chaos happens you see it, can predict how it will happen, but it is still fun to see it go down.

I had an issue with the story, as it starts with Hutch having to pay back the debt he incurred after the incidents of the first film. The way he had to do this payback is to go about killing for them, and doing it day in day out led to him being distant from his family. Yes, the movie starts the same way the first one did, with Hutch falling into a monotonous cycle and it is affecting his life. We see that same kind of numbness come over him again, and this revised start, which is similar to the first film, did not get applause from me. I was hoping the movie would take a different path, but nah!

His family are now acting all nonchalant to his constant no-show, so he decided to plan a vacation for them all, a way to reconnect. At this point the movie becomes very predictable, but I do not need to tell you that. All the above negativities did not hold back the action. It was still fun to see Hutch (Bob Odenkirk) go all action superstar on the other guys, taking them down with so many John Wick style moves.

Fantastic acting performances all round in this movie from everyone involved, that you will start to ignore the bad plot and the predictability and just watch in amazement as Hutch’s predicament of trying to patch things up with his family and keep his natural instinct of kicking ass gets him more entangled.

So here is the plot. Hutch is on vacation with his family to try and patch things, when in the town they are in, his son and daughter were in a way assaulted by the man who runs the town’s son, in an arcade. So Brady, Hutch’s son, stood up for his sister and got into a fight.

Hutch separated the fight, but on their way out one of the men who runs the arcade smacked Hutch’s little girl. So you can guess, he walks his family out, goes back into the arcade and beats the shit out of everyone.

He was told to leave town, but the Sheriff had other ideas and wanted to teach Hutch a lesson. Well, there is more, but I will leave you to go see the movie yourself to find out what else this movie has in store for you.

I recommend it if you like action/comedy and if you liked the first film.

Freakier Friday (2025)

Freakier Friday (2025)

 6/10

Starring

Jamie Lee Curtis

Lindsay Lohan

Julia Butters

 

Directed by Nisha Ganatra

 

Now the below review is going to be bashing this movie a lot, especially on how predictable it is, because the reality is this movie made no sense at all until the switch happened. Jamie Lee Curtis just went from boring acting to please can someone give this woman an Oscar. She was just amazing, blowing everyone away, and I could not help but appreciate her more. This four-way switch was fun for me, and I liked it.

Freakier Friday is here with Jamie Lee Curtis (Tess), Lindsay Lohan (Anna) and the new addition to their crew, Julia Butters (Harper, Anna’s teenage daughter). I liked the first Freaky Friday, and back in 2003 Curtis and Lohan made a great pairing on screen and got me engaged and laughing more than the original had done in 1976. For this reason, I was on board to see this new one, but to be honest, I was worried about how the movie would be delivered.

My worry heightened the moment Anna ran into a man on her way to her daughter’s school, because both were not looking at where they were going. I just rolled my eyes. They hit one another and looked into each other’s eyes, and it was a total cringy 90s Romcom alert. I was worried the movie was going to be cliché “R” us, and less than 10 minutes in we are seeing love at first sight. The love interest for Anna is Eric, the man she ran into, and I can tell you their chemistry could not have been more non-existent in my view.

From here the plot drags, but not for long, just about 25 minutes, with Tess being a bit too involved in Anna and Harper’s life, and Harper struggling to connect with a girl she despises at school, Lily. As you can guess, Lily happens to be Eric’s daughter, and Anna and Eric are planning to be married. The dynamic between Harper and Lily feels fake and badly written, because of course they have to be fighting, otherwise how can this movie get by. The predictability makes the wait for the switcheroo feel even longer than usual.

The switcheroo itself happens during a palm reading, which the four ladies take part in two at a time during Anna’s bachelorette. The next morning the switch has happened, with everyone swapping bodies. This time, instead of just mother and daughter like the first Freaky Friday, it is grandmother, daughter, granddaughter and grand-stepdaughter all involved.

So, the movie becomes about how they will navigate all of this. It is the navigation that is fun to see.

Another issue I had with the movie is that everything felt like a filler moment before the real switcheroo. It made the movie seem like it was dragging. This is not really the movie’s fault, it is more the problem of expectation. When you know the movie is about switching bodies, you just want it to get there.

In the end, the movie is fun. I recommend it, but note all the things I said above before you go see it.

The Bad Guys 2 (2025)

The Bad Guys 2 (2025)

6/10

Starring the voices of

Sam Rockwell

Marc Maron

Awkwafina

Craig Robinson

Anthony Ramos

 

Directed by Pierre Perifel

 

The Bad Guys are back, and they are struggling at being good. The animated work is done by DreamWorks, and while many celebrated the first part back in 2022, well here they are again. I did not like the first part myself, and was not game to see this one, but I have to be honest, this came off a lot better.

Since I already knew the cast and what or who they are, the world-building confusion I had with the first movie does not come up here. I always stay away from previews for movies I want to see, to be surprised or caught unawares for the genuine thrill, and so I did here. I was surprised that now we have the Bad Girls, but the story that led up to their revelation was so predictable.

The comedy for me took its sweet time to start hitting home. I was bored waiting for something to happen after the high-octane start, but after the predictable setup, the movie became funny, and I just coasted through. I really prefer this to the first.

Billed with the same fantastic voice casting and voice work by the actors, this animation, like the first, has characters based on a children’s book of the same name.

So here is the plot. The Bad Guys (Mr. Wolf, Mr. Snake, Mr. Shark, Mr. Piranha, and Ms. Tarantula) are finding it hard to get jobs, because they are ex-convicts known to be robbers. Down on their luck and unable to pay their bills, they are just making it by when they discover that some heist has been going on, and their former calling card from their past heist days is being left behind.

Worried that they are being framed, they decide to help the cops solve the crime. Problem is, in the most silly, unrealistic, easy-to-resolve way, they get framed and are on the run. The bigger problem is that the people who framed them are the very ones they are running with.

We now learn of a new crew at work, the Bad Girls. I liked that they didn’t go overboard with the new characters, because I would have had to deal with listening to too many dialogues.

The animation artwork is just like the first, and the movie, also like the first, is making waves critically. So will this mean there will be a third part? Judging by the way Hollywood seems to be hooked on making remakes and sequels in the past five years, I would not be surprised.

So go see this movie. I recommend it, and it is also a good one to see with the family.

The Naked Gun (2025)

The Naked Gun (2025)

 

6/10

 

Starring

Liam Neeson

Pamela Anderson

Paul Walter Hauser

 

Directed by Akiva Schaffer

 

One of the things I liked about the movie that actually made me laugh out loud was when the new Frank Drebin (Liam Neeson) and the new Ed (Paul Hauser) knelt before the picture of the old Frank and Ed, and you then discover that this movie is not a remake, but it accepts the death of Leslie Nielsen and this movie is about Frank and Ed Junior.

The comedy works here. The whole coffee infatuation in the movie was funny, the dialogue was amazing, and the inner voice of Frank says some of the most off-putting things that make you raise an eyebrow.

The chemistry between Neeson and Anderson’s characters is not just something critics say for fun, it is actually amazing. The way they played off each other on screen had me amazed.

A lot of things work in this movie. That is what made seeing it fun and made it actually rewatchable.

The plot follows Lt. Frank Drebin Jr. of the Police Squad, a role his father once held. Frank ruled a current accident as suicide until he was approached by the deceased’s sister, Beth (Anderson), who convinced him to look deeper into the case, insisting her brother would never kill himself.

The investigation led to us meeting the powerful tech mogul the deceased worked for. As expected from the franchise, the film has a barrage of slapstick chaos, sight gags, and rapid-fire comedic one-liners, all revolving around the mysterious P.L.O.T. Device. The acronym stands for “Primordial Law of Toughness”, a dangerous gadget capable of turning ordinary people into violent, primal versions of themselves.

The movie starts with the stealing of this gadget, and how the gadget, the tech mogul, and everything else fit together is one thing we and Frank have to resolve while we watch this movie.

In the end, I am seeing that the movie is not making waves at the box office. I guess there is a particular audience for this kind of comedy, and such people would rather stream it than sit in the cinema to see it. Also, the movie had this midway lull where its pace seemed to drop before picking up again. Some of the jokes were excessive and seemed forced, so not all of them landed as they should.

Then there is the comparison of Neeson’s acting to Nielsen’s. Nielsen had the absolute mastery of deadpan silliness in a way that just amazes you. Now Liam Neeson is not blessed with such calibre, so we had to deal with his gravel looks and acting to play off the needed deadpan delivery for the character of Frank Drebin. This, for me, can be seen as a flaw, but it depends on how you look at it.

I recommend you see this movie because of the way the plot unfolds and the way the comedy is well twisted in.

 

M3GAN 2.0 (2025)

 

M3GAN 2.0 (2025)

5/10

Starring          

Allison Williams

Violet McGraw

Ivanna Sakhno

Jemaine Clement

Directed by Gerald Johnstone

 

I’ll be honest with you, the moment I saw the runtime, I was worried. Two hours felt a bit long to watch M3GAN go at it again, and I was right, this movie is long and boring.

I thought it would come from a different angle, but it didn’t. I have to warn you ahead, this movie is very very slow. You won’t think so at first because it starts with some amazing action sequences during the demonstration of AMELIA, who is an android built on the same tech as M3GAN. Just when the demo is about to end, the U.S. military loses control of AMELIA.

From there, the movie just drags. Long stretches of people talking and talking about this and that, eventually discovering that M3GAN is still around, secretly watching over Cady, before we finally get some more action.

I’ll be honest, the action and fight scenes are good and captivating. But the story that leads to them will make you sleepy.

Cady’s acting in this one was so below par. After the first action sequence, she walks us through what’s happened between the first M3GAN movie and now.

Her aunt Gemma, who created M3GAN, is now an advocate trying to change the world, telling people to rely less on AI, and children should have less screen time, all to make sure people don’t get consumed by tech, which was the root of the incidents in the first film two years ago.

Cady has picked up new hobbies to pass time, thanks to her aunt’s anti-tech rules. If you remember, at the end of the first movie, the tech behind M3GAN ended up in the wrong hands, who then created and sold to the government AMELIA, a lethal military android who’s now gone rogue.

To stop AMELIA, Gemma is contacted for help. She refuses. But M3GAN, still lurking in the shadows, convinces her to bring her back so she can take AMELIA down. So the movie shifts from horror to sci-fi, and it seems we are watching a full-on Terminator style rip-off.

For me, the movie is too long. It could’ve been tighter with better pacing. Some scenes weren’t needed. There’s a twist, but it doesn’t save the movie. The humour feels forced and doesn’t land like it did in the first M3GAN movie. That one had a simple story. This one tries to juggle too many moving parts and ends up feeling like it’s doing too much — a mashup of horror, comedy, and espionage that just doesn’t work.

Effect-wise, both AMELIA and M3GAN looked like someone in a suit. The whole vibe felt like an expensive B-movie, and after the success of the first one, I really thought it would shake that off.

Will I recommend you see this movie?

NO.

Ne Zha 2 (2025)

 

Ne Zha 2 (2025)

5/10

Starring the voices of 

Lü Yanting

Han Mo

Lu Qi

Zhang Jiaming

 

Directed by Jiaozi

 

Now I liked the first Ne Zha, but this second one, for me, is just boring. For like the first hour, nothing really happens that makes you go, hmm!

Then I started worrying if this would be it, just the boredom of watching these characters trying to revive their body. But then the story takes a twist when you are halfway in, which brings some energy back into enjoying the movie. The problem is, even though that energy saw me through to the end, it couldn't save the movie for me.

Ne Zha 2 is Chinese animated box office giant, and to me what works is the graphical drawing, movement, and effects in this movie are actually very good. It's colorful, and you’ll love the ideas when it gets to the fights. The way the characters morph and stuff, intriguing. To me the voice casting was not bad, but it was not grand enough to save the boredom of this movie.

The plot continues from the first movie, if you recall what happened at the end of the first Ne Zha, lightning struck the two boys (Ne Zha and Ao Bing), but their spirits were saved.

So Master Taiyi Zhenren uses his Sacred Lotus to regenerate their physical bodies, though they are still fragile. Ao Guang, believing his son Ao Bing is dead because nobody bothered to tell him the spirit was saved, orders Master Shen Gongbao to attack Chentang Pass. Ao Bing, in his fragile state, defends it, but his new body can’t take the battle and disintegrates.

To save Ao Bing, his spirit is placed in Ne Zha's body for seven days, allowing Ne Zha to complete three trials to become a xian (immortal). In doing so, he will win a potion that can restore the Sacred Lotus and create a new body for Ao Bing.

While Ne Zha is on this journey, Ao Guang imprisoned Chentang Pass all around, waiting for Ne Zha to complete the task and revive his son.

Things do not go according to plan, as you’d expect, and soon we see there’s more to the story than just this shallow task.

Bad pacing is one of the main issues of this movie, with too many scenes that don’t add up to anything. Like the whole "he needs to pee" sequence, or the long dialogues before a task — too many things like that drag the animation way past the two-hour mark.

It ends in a way that makes it clear there will be a third animation in the works. If you want to see this one, I’d advise you get some coffee in your system. You’ll need it to stay awake during the first hour, but if you are patient enough, it pays out.

Naked Gun 33⅓: The Final Insult (1994)

Naked Gun 33⅓: The Final Insult (1994)

4/10

Starring          

Leslie Nielsen

 

Directed by Peter Segal

 

Now for this movie, the best part is the Academy Awards parody. I really liked it so much, but that was it for me. This movie relied heavily on Nielsen's comedic style and dialogue to carry the movie, which he did his best and as expected his acting was A-class, but his work to me was not enough to save this movie. Acting from everyone else was ok, except Presley’s performance, it was even worse here than the previous two. I never thought that would be possible.

My main issue here is the plot and the middle part of the movie. I could not get why it dragged so long, and it was filled with so much parody of other movies and silly things that just made for a boring sit while I waited for the movie to end, but once more the ending part I really liked, i.e. the Academy Awards parody.

I saw all these movies back in the 90s, so I cannot recall much of anything about their plots, but now rewatching them one after the other, the plot in this movie is so bad, it made the plot in the first movie look solid.

Here in this movie, Frank (Nielsen) has decided to retire from the Police Squad, but retirement is not working out well for him because he misses the job.

Months into his retirement he is visited by Ed Hocken and Nordberg, who ask for his help with an investigation into a famous bomber called Rocco Dillon. Rocco is currently incarcerated, so Frank has to go undercover to meet Rocco's girlfriend, Tanya Peters, to see if he can get some information from her. This undercover work led to him having scars, which Jane (now his wife) finds and starts to accuse him of returning to the Police Squad. Frank lies and swears he is having an affair (yes, I typed this right). But Jane does not believe him and leaves him.

Frank, now alone, decides to continue the investigation into Rocco and goes undercover in the maximum security prison where Rocco is held to see if he can get some more information from him. So now the movie is about Frank working undercover with Rocco to know where he has planted the bomb.

Like I said, the movie felt more like a rehash of many of the gags I have seen Frank do, and the whole plot did not have any twist at all for Frank. In the first movie he did not trust Jane, thinking she was working with the bad guy and in the second one, there was a duplicate Dr. Meinheimer, but here, the plot is simple and easy and just did not hit the mark for me.

Well, if you want to see all the Naked Gun movies before the new one by Liam Neeson, go ahead. If you want to see good parody movies, just watch the first two.

The Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear (1991)

 

The Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear (1991)

 

6/10

Starring          

Leslie Nielsen

Directed by David Zucker

 

The first Naked Gun, I have seen numerous times, so a lot of the things that happened are things I knew and expected to happen. The second Naked Gun, this one, is not as fresh in my mind as the first, so in the opening scene where Frank almost knocks out the wife of the president, I almost fell down laughing, because for one thing, I did not see that coming.

Now that was the only aspect of this movie I did not see coming. To be honest, this particular movie is very predictable, and the laughs were few and far between. Coming off the first film to see this one makes you aware of the antics that can happen, and you are somewhat prepared.

One thing is certain, when it comes to performances, Nielsen was still magnificent in his role, and I think his performance in the movie made up for where this lacks in comparison to the first, and pushes it to be just as good. Like in the first movie, some of the stunts are clearly someone else, but when it is him, his natural charisma that comes with the character Frank Drebin shines through. His oblivious way of going about his day causing havoc is just amazing to behold.

At the White House, Frank is being recognized for his killing of 1,000 people (remember, this is a slapstick, over-the-top comedy), and also, President George H. W. Bush announces that he will base the country's energy policy on the recommendations of Dr. Meinheimer. This upsets a lot of people, as Dr. Meinheimer plans to advocate for renewable energy. Now, his girl from part 1, Jane Spencer, is dating Hexagon Oil executive Quentin Hapsburg, and Frank becomes exceedingly jealous.

This is one aspect of the movie that runs alongside the other aspect, where the bad guy sets off a bomb where Meinheimer works. While Frank is investigating this and being distracted by his jealousy, before we know it, Meinheimer is kidnapped and Frank and the Police Squad must find a way to save him.

The movie has the return of some of the previous cast members like O.J. Simpson and Priscilla Presley. Simpson seems to have upped his acting game, while Presley is still far from the mark.

As much as this movie does not hit the mark as hard as the first, it still made me laugh and smile as I watched Frank get himself in and out of trouble and somehow, by one miracle, saves the day.

Is the second movie worth seeing? Yes, it is. It is not half bad, to me it is just as good as the first, same kind of rating.

 

The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! (1988)

The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! (1988)

6/10

Starring          

Leslie Nielsen

 

Directed by David Zucker

 

One of the major challenges I have with this movie is that it takes the job of Police Officer Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen) so far that he becomes everything. He’s a secret agent, a detective, and also does undercover work — all to an extent I felt could have been toned down.

This is a slapstick comedy that goes over the top at every chance it gets, but then has some moments of subtle comedy that is done to land the needed punches. It includes many visual and verbal puns and gags. But what I love most about this movie is how it takes its time to build a scene, then just drops the jokes on you while you're waiting for something serious to happen. The movie features fantastic acting from Nielsen and many of the supporting characters, and it has a range of cameos.

The film is based on the character portrayed by Nielsen in the television series Police Squad! and is written by the same people who worked on the same series. I haven’t seen that series, but this movie is said to be a continuation of it.

Now, if you want to watch and enjoy this movie, always pay attention to the background and surroundings in the scenes. There are times when things are happening that you’ll find funny.

The oblivious way Frank acts, how he’s so out of touch with reality and how to behave, is what drives the comedy of this movie. We watch Frank come back from foiling a plan by America’s who's who enemies to see his friend in the hospital after he got shot while investigating a drug deal.

So Frank has to solve this case, and he has limited time to do it too, as the Queen of England is coming and all the men of the Police Squad need to be focused on that. Frank has to solve this case before she arrives. We watch Frank and so many comical situations play out before us as he tries to bring the bad guy to justice.

I also noticed the movie has some scenes that don’t matter or conversations that don’t add comedy. As you’d expect in a movie like this, not all the comedy will land for everyone. But still, this is a nice movie for everyone to see, and you’ll love the way it ends.

This was the movie that led to the other Naked Gun movies released in the 90s. I do recommend you see this.

Starship Troopers (1997)

Starship Troopers (1997)

4/10

Starring          

Casper Van Dien

Dina Meyer

Denise Richards

Jake Busey

Neil Patrick Harris     

 

Directed by Paul Verhoeven

 

Starship Troopers is one of those movies I struggle to remember. I saw it when I was young a couple of times, and still, it never stuck in my memory. Even after seeing it now, regardless of the growing recognition, the bad acting by the central cast — which, for the money spent on the production, is inexcusable — still stands out. If it was just one person, it would be alright, but many of the main cast, who get enough screen time, acted like they were in a school play.

Then the special effects were poor. The story idea is totally off. So you need to serve in a war before you can get the right to vote or procreate? Wow. I could not think of anything sillier.

Some say this is satire. Hmm. Which it kind of is, based on the propaganda ad we see at the start of the movie. I still think the story idea is silly. That just adds to the other problems in the movie. Plus the length and the too-much romantic drama made this, for me, once more forgettable. I could not find one thing to hold on to and say, hmm, this is what makes the movie really stand out in my memory.

Now that said, if you can get over the whole cringy, annoying first half, ignore the bad acting from the central cast and the flimsy effects, the second half of the movie is about fighting — which is the one thing I liked. When they had to take on the bugs, I liked that part. Funny enough, even seeing that now still didn’t bring back memories of watching this movie, even though I liked that second part.

The plot is this: in the future, the world is governed by the United Citizen Federation. Citizenship is earned exclusively through federal service, which grants rights like the ones I mentioned above. Humans can now travel the galaxy, and we’re in a constant interstellar battle with insectoid creatures called Arachnids.

Rico, the central character, joins the military because of a girl — who later breaks up with him after falling in love with someone else. Rico makes a mistake that leads to the death of another cadet and tries to drop out, but rejoins when the Arachnids attack Earth, killing his parents.

Then the real action starts. The Mobile Infantry gets dropped onto a Bug planet thinking they’re just going to flex some muscle, but the Bugs tear them apart. It’s not even close. The humans discover the Arachnids have a brain bug that controls the others, and that becomes the new mission. So they send Rico and the rest of his unit, who are now practically a suicide squad, into a massive Bug tunnel system to capture this thing.

So that’s what the movie is about. For me, it’s one of those films that’s long for no reason, has too many turning knobs trying to add drama and realism, but all I get is a B-movie trying to be more than it is.

Now, I’ll say: see it if you haven’t. But keep all this in mind and ask yourself if it’s still worth it.

Hardware (1990)

Hardware (1990)

4/10

 

Starring          

Dylan McDermott

Stacey Travis

John Lynch

William Hootkins

 

Directed by Richard Stanley

 

Imagine a movie about the future with no intro, no write-up of how we got to this dystopian setup, and you the viewer just watching, waiting for some kind of information about what is going on and why.

The movie starts with all these funny setups, with conversations going on about what is happening in front of you, which does no good, because I have eyes and I’m seeing what is happening. I’m more curious about how we got to this point.

I think the set design is not bad though. I like the way computers are still relevant in this future, but even they are falling apart, which adds to the decadence of this future. After all that, get ready for bad dialogue, a very slow-paced beginning, and a painfully obvious view of what a low-budget dystopian movie looks like. But I have to hand it to the production design and the director for their ingenuity in this production.

Halfway into this movie, it switches to what I can best describe as a Terminator-type vomit, like the writers liked what James Cameron did with Terminator and just wanted something like that in their film. There is so much going on in this movie that has no backstory or even reason.

Here is the plot. In this future, there are scavengers, and one of them is Moses, who goes to sell the things he picked up. There, he meets another scavenger who also brings his metal wares to sell. What he brought was like robot parts, which Moses buys off him and gives to a girl he likes, Jill. She lives in a form of self-isolation, constantly being disturbed and stalked. She likes her present, and Moses gets to stay the night. He gets a call telling him to bring the entire robot parts back. He leaves, leaving the robot part behind, then the robot self-repairs and goes after Jill, trying to kill her in her home. Moses gets to his dealer’s place to find him dead, suspects it has to do with the robot, and now has to get back to Jill to try and save her from what he does not yet understand.

It is funny how the above synopsis is the entire movie. I don’t know if I should have a spoiler alert in this review. There’s no point.

In the end, I was like meh. I struggled to fully grasp the fun this movie is supposed to offer. I didn’t like the acting, and the whole dark setup with bad light flashes trying to create a scary feel just made it hard to see what was happening. I was more irritated than impressed, by this claustrophobic badly lit movie.

I think some movies are best left unseen. This is one of them. It is best left unseen if you have not seen it yet.